I Feel so Isolated


Dear Judy,

I feel so isolated…

I love your letters, thank you very much for your advice. I am writing to you because I feel trapped in my marriage. I came to England four years ago through an arranged marriage but no one forced me because I liked my husband. It may be that I also liked the idea to come to England as well. At that time I used to live in a small town (I am from Eastern Europe) and I was excited by the idea that I was coming to the UK.

However we live in a very small town here as well and I feel so isolated. I expected something totally different. Every day he goes to work from the morning to the evening and I am inside all of the day and isolated with my 3 year-old daughter. I don’t have friends here, and the only person that I speak with is my sister who lives in London. I have asked my husband for us to go and live in London several times but he will not agree with me because of the job. He is not sure if he will find a job in London.

I feel so bad and depressed where we are and our relationship is aggravated as well. When he comes home he is very tired and not able to interact with me or his daughter. I feel alone, and afraid that I can’t continue like this for long. I have read your answers in Migrant Woman magazine and I felt that you are the only person who can I ask for help. All the day I just have the TV and my daughter, and I don’t know where to seek help. Please can you give me any suggestions of what to do? Thank you, H.K.

Dear HK,

All relationships encounter difficulties at some point.

It is very difficult to be a young mother on your own for many hours each day in a place that is distant from friends and family and with only a small child for company. You must consider the resources that you have and the most important of these is your husband.

All relationships encounter difficulties at some point, whether arranged marriages or otherwise. In your case, you have both come together to a new land and you have a child so there are many challenges to be overcome. It is important now that you and your husband find a way to open up communication with each other in a thoughtful and loving way. You must both take time to understand each other’s point of view and to continually review together what is best for the marriage which is not about individuals but about the unit of the two of you as man and wife and now parents. At the same time you must look at how you can make new friends.

Every town has its share of new mothers wanting to make friends. You must look for them. Are they at the local nursery, taking their children to a class or a playgroup, sitting in the park or perhaps enjoying an evening class? Can you locate them on the Internet? Make it your personal project to find one or two friends. Set your intention to do this and be ready for the unpredictable. When you and your husband are able to work together as a team, communicating gently with each other and setting aside time as a family to have some fun, then you will find it will be much easier to solve the problem of where and how you should make your next home.